Or, Why Understanding Feelings Matters More Than Being “Smart”
Let me start by asking you this: When was the last time you saw someone with all the smarts—top grades, impressive credentials—but they just couldn’t quite connect or lead? Maybe you’ve been that person, too.
I’ve spent a lot of time working with brilliant people—the kind who know every system inside and out, who can solve problems faster than most. And yet, sometimes, it’s the person with the quieter, softer skillset who pulls a team forward, who inspires loyalty, who makes the workplace feel like a community instead of a pressure cooker.
That skill? Emotional intelligence.
We often get caught up in IQ—the shiny number that’s been celebrated for decades. Parents brag about it. Schools chase it. But here’s a truth I’ve come to know deeply: Emotional intelligence is the secret sauce that turns potential into real-world success.
When Daniel Goleman dropped his book Emotional Intelligence back in 1995, he didn’t just write a book. He shook the foundations of how we see human potential. Suddenly, it wasn’t just about how smart you were, but how well you understood yourself and others.
Think about your own teams or workplaces. I bet you’ve seen the technically gifted employee who struggles to work with others. Or the manager who, despite a string of accomplishments, can’t keep their team together. Maybe you’ve met the CEO whose vision feels disconnected from the heart of the company.
These aren’t failures of IQ. They’re gaps where emotional intelligence could have changed everything.
When I’ve led teams or walked into a room filled with talent, I always look for something beneath the surface: Who listens deeply? Who stays calm when things go sideways? Who lifts others up quietly? Those are the emotional leaders.
Here’s the kicker: research shows 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence. It’s not a coincidence. It’s a necessity.
Goleman’s framework breaks it down into five parts:
These aren’t just personality traits you’re born with. They’re muscles you can strengthen with practice, reflection, and intention.
I remember a time early in my career when I thought success was about pushing hard, proving myself with results. But burnout and broken relationships taught me a different lesson: Knowing yourself and others deeply is what sustains success.
If you’ve ever had a boss who made you feel safe, heard, and energized, you know exactly what I mean.
Leaders are emotional conductors—setting the tone, influencing the mood of an entire team. And just like music, the energy they send ripples through the organization.
Studies say leaders who master empathy perform 40% better in coaching and decision-making. I’ve seen this firsthand when coaching CEOs. The ones who lead with emotional intelligence inspire loyalty, foster creativity, and build resilience.
One of the most powerful moments in my journey was coaching a leader who struggled to connect. Once they learned to pause, listen, and show vulnerability, their whole company changed. Turnover dropped. Energy soared. That shift wasn’t about strategy or IQ—it was emotional leadership.
Here’s a little science nugget: emotional intelligence isn’t fluff. It’s real brain work.
Our emotional brain—the limbic system—learns differently than our logical brain. We can’t just read a manual on EQ and expect instant mastery. It takes practice, feedback, and heart.
This is good news. It means it’s never too late to grow. You can rewrite those emotional habits, retrain your responses, and become a leader who inspires from the inside out.
Emotional intelligence shapes everything—our relationships, parenting, health, even our happiness.
I’ve seen how emotionally intelligent parenting nurtures kids who are resilient and kind. I’ve watched couples grow stronger by learning to talk about feelings instead of avoiding them.
It’s a gentle reminder that success isn’t only measured by a title or a paycheck. It’s in the quality of connection, the strength of compassion, the depth of understanding we bring to each moment.
As AI and automation take over more tasks, emotional intelligence is the human edge that machines can’t touch. No robot can truly feel or empathize.
That means developing your emotional intelligence isn’t just “nice to have.” It’s critical for the future of work, leadership, and community.
If you want to start growing your EQ today, here’s what I suggest:
And here’s the biggest secret: emotional intelligence grows through practice—not just reading or thinking about it.
When we grow in emotional intelligence, we don’t just change ourselves—we change the world around us.
I’m reminded of a story Goleman shares about a New York City bus driver who treated his passengers like church members, creating warmth in an otherwise transactional moment. That’s the power of emotional intelligence—transforming the ordinary into something sacred.
In my own life, I’ve found that when I lead with heart—whether in business or family—it creates a ripple that lifts everyone.
In a world full of data and machines, emotional intelligence is the soul that keeps us human. It’s the gift we bring to every relationship, every team, every challenge.
The real question isn’t whether EQ matters—it’s whether we’re willing to cultivate it intentionally. Because how we answer will shape our futures, personally and collectively.
If you’re ready, I’m right there with you. Let’s grow this muscle together—one honest conversation, one deep listen, one moment of empathy at a time.